Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Why i hate matatus!

The festive season is upon us and with it comes alot of travelling here and there, and meeting friends and stuff. Now for the common mwananchi like you(no not you, the other you, yeah you!) and i are forced to take public transport in the form of matatus(big taxis) and buses. Im more of the optimistic type so i view stuff from the positive angle.....sometimes. I look at a matatu as my personal car which has a my very own personal driver and im just gracious enough let some other 13 guys come along with my in the car, some of the 13 other guys i feel like chuking them out pronto!
Once you enter the mat you secure a seat right in the middle of the mat(matatu) in the second last row. Once seated you turn to your right where an awful stench is eminating only to find a guy well dressed in a suit but may have only viewed a toothbrush in a photo in an advert and is quite yet to figure out how or where its used!
Im an attempt to get some fresh air you turn your right to find a 20 something year old guy right on the verge of blacking out on some cheap liquor and finds that particular moment an 'Idols' moment and belts out 'in tune' with the annoyingly screechy music being belted out by the tiny tweeters. Oh and just to make sure if you didnt know, he turns around to tell you just how much hes feeling that song.
The only place left to look is up or infront, but thers a problem. Infront of you is a normal looking guy with a not so normal body oduor. I must insist that parfum and or deo is a basic necessity almost comparable to food and shelter. The city council made smoking illegal on the basis that its harmful to other guys too, they should do the same about guys who find it hard to splash some water on themselves once in a while and hose them down in the middle of the street!
The concotion of smells is made worse by these ladies in the back seat who saw fit to drench themselves in the cheapest stinging parfum that exists in the market! I have nothing against using cheap stuff, i use cheap stuff, but dont make it that obvious, you feel me!?
There is a little known fact that mobile phone micropones are infact extremely powerful and that you can increase the volume in the speaker of your phone! Most people have no idea about that and that explains the shouting when one recieves a call! Add into the mix a miraa chewing conductor who keeps on sipping from an opaque bottle whose contents may very well be used to clean the loo, and you get a typical ride in a matatu and a trully Kenyan experience.

It can get worse though, travelling upcountry with a whole family of 7 perched on the two seats next to you or sitting next to a true african lady who spreads to twice her diameter once she sitts down and guys who refuse to open any of the windows!

Sunday, December 14, 2008

Really? I mean.....seriously!!??

After two and a half weeks of scratching and guessing, i finally managed to fill up those answer sheets the University ever so graciously placed in our presence to try and gauge their inability to infuse any useful knowledge into our systems. Id have a better use for the white sheets of paper in a latrine at home, but all the same i hope i appease the markers and am awarded some grade worthy of my ingenious freestyle ability! :-)
The joy of my conquering my exams is extinguished just about as fast as it takes to finish a jug of keg a.k.a keeego (in my cousins case just but a few minutes) as the fully incompetent nincompops we elected into the August house try and muzzle the media like a rabid dog! ts extremely sad that the legislators of the day see it fit to impose colonial like rule on the free media presumabliy because they brought into the limelight the whoe issue of our UNhonourable members non payment of tax on their allowances which forms the bulk of what they take home! Its the audacity of the speaker to suggest that its charitable for MPs to pay tax and as such any MP who feels toutched should see the tax man! {paraphrased}.

Dear Mr Speaker,
While you sit your pompous ass in that so very comfortable leather seat, people working more that 40 hour weeks toil and work to the bone to make ends meet as you act as a class monitor to unrully selfish mind numbingly dum pack of overfed and over payed sleeping gluttons. And to make matters worse, you work a whole of 20 hours a week! Dear sir we as the Kenyan public get taxed to help see our country develop so as to ensure a happy and prosperous nation to future generations, that is not charity that is a sense of nationalisim and patriotism you seem to lack among many other common features of a normal man. If we pay taxes why oh why shouldnt you!?
Yours sincerly,
Concerned Citizen.


There has been talk and i guess some action thet the ECK be disbanded and a whole new commissioin be formed or something of the sort. Now my question is this, if the ECK made a mess of things, doesnt that mean that the MPs are infact in office illegaliy too? If the ECK is to be removed then it in turn means all the MPs should be sent home as well.
Now again, the ECK is being blamed on the violence that occured close to a year ago now, question, did you see any of the commissioners arrange stones on the Nakuru- Naivasha highway? Is it a commission official who struck the match to set the church in Eldoret on fire?
I know that to be guilty does not necessarily have to imply that you did the actual deed, but lets reason together, who has more to gain and is thus more likely to cause chaos? The guy seeking to be elected to parliament or the electoral official?
Get me right, i am not saying that the ECK is as clean as can be, im saying the ECK must be cleaner than the crop of @#$%^*& idiots that make parliament chambers a sleeping area!

Jamuhuri Day
Jamuhuri day which was this past friday was a mess to say the least! Scores of activists peacefully protesting the non payment of tax by MPs buy wearing a t-shirt were all rounded up and shaked up in Lang'ata Police station........Offence: wearing a t-shirt!!!

Its amazing just how people in power percieve and treat the people who put them there, in Kenya!

Recently in Thailand i read in the paper that a whole sitting president was up and removed from office by the courts, didnt get the full story, but i rili cant imagine that happening in Kenya!

Just a few minutes ago i passed by Uhuru Park, and guess what! The park was cordoned off by GSU personnel (fondly refered to as leta fujo unone) because of what i presumed was the fear that people would protest over the Media Bill and as well as MPs refusing to pay tax.

I would take to the streets to peacefull protest against all these injustices, i wonder how may other people out there would, cause if we dont.........who will?

Monday, November 24, 2008

Bureaucracy and bado!

When one says the word Bureaucracy, the mind immediately jumps to the Kenya Governments offices....well at least mine does! I thought thats the only place you could be treated like trash even though you pay taxes through your nose even when you are waist deep in debt. Well i think i have a winner here....The Catholic University(CUEA) Accounts office. Now one would think that CUEA, being a private university, that things would go rather smoothly since besides paying an arm and a leg for what i regard as substandard education it is not in anyway affiliated with the government or any arm would be wrong!
The crudeness and uncultured behavious of the people working at the accounts office is only comparable to the uncultured behaviour of matatus at peak hours in downtown nairobi and im afraid that the accounts guys would put the mirra chewing, sap sipping, saliva spitters, snuff sniffing scum of Luthuli Avenue and the likes, to shame!
Im afraid out literacy levels are rock bottom and digging deeper, im my opinion literacy levels should not only show that one can read but can also read and reason from what they have read, otherwise even an Optical character reader should be the most literate of all! Why the rant?
Sunday evening on my way home, enjoying my driving experience, as i take the Muthaiga rounderbout on my way to town this idiot in a Toyota Raum coming from Utalii side hoots at me! Now im no self proclaimed guru of traffic laws and regulations but the short stint i have served so far as a qualified and licensed driver gives me the authority to know that the bloody person on the round about has right of way!! Clearely that old man could read considering he was driving a fairly new reconditioned car from Dubai, but could he realy reason!?
Have an Idiotless day wunt you!?

Thursday, November 20, 2008

That time again......

Im listening to rock right now and for the life of me i still cant figure out how one can listen to this noise for 5 minutes straight.....we really were not made the same....
Its that time of the year again where theres that bitter sweet feeling...sweet cause im at the end of a semester and a holiday is forthcoming when i can sleep for as long as id like but then again there are exams to read for and sit for, thats the bitter side! In a morning lecture i had today the lecturer was like "You people, why do you fear exams? Huh? Do you know you have done exams all your life! I know even some of you did an exam to go to Baby class! And this is not the last exam your doing! Its just like any other!" Yeah sure it is! So why doesnt he do us a favour and bring us a spelling test!?
I hate exams!! Wish me luck. :-(

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Lifes teachings

Wow its been a while!
How y'all doing!
......ok.....moving on swiftly.
A few weekends ago i had a weekend to remember, one that had highs and lows...deep lows i mean from the Himalayas to the Deepest of trenches, the Mariana trench but you know what, life goes on....lesson learned.
I remember when i was a kid i thought to myself that i must be an adopted kid. When you are a kid you kinda think everyones against you if they for some reason refuse to give in to all your demands as crazy as a pizza in the middle of the night(i wasnt that spoilt!). But for me, i thought THEN that i had a good reason even though the obvious facial similarities didnt appear as obvious to me then as they are now! The very good reason was ofcourse, everyone was just much brighter(in ma family) considering they were older than me. I never failed to get an intelligent answer from my Dad, or Mom or my brother whos older than me by two years......
Sadly enough, people above the legal driving age limit still have lower reasoning capabilities than the ones i had then! How do you drive around with full beam lights? How do you walk into a meeting or a church with your ringtones on the maximum possible volume?! I fail to understand how having had a phone for over seven years now, for some, and not be familiar with the off button or at the very very least, know how to put the damn little thing on vibrate only!

Considering my lack of access to a TV following my leap into living independence, i have been for a long time on the leeward side of the flow of information but i heard a suggestion through some media people calling for the perpetrators of the Post Election Violence to be forgiven! This is one of them point where i sigh shrug my shoulders and mutter, "Common sense really aint that common"! Simply put, the law must be followed, since without law the country will just disintegrate into the total mayhem it was at the begining of the year! Furthermore if these guys are forgiven, it will set precedence and thus the next drunk gun trotting trigger happy idiot who decides to go for target practise in a Nairobi crowd will plead for forgiveness since anyway you forgave the other guys didnt you!? Its like when a kid beats up another kid in school and you say its ok, he apologized...., the kid will obviously take advantage since thers a feeling of immunity, my advice spank the kid till the skin is raw and make sure the word goes round cause that way no other kid will think of fighting, lesson learnt!
Lemmi give you a scenario, 5 kids in the kitchen with the sugr bowl left open and alot of sugar on the floor. "You ask who ate and spilt the sugar?" One of the kids reply almost before you finish intonating your sentence to signify its a question, "It wasnt me!"
Who do you think did it!?
Obviously the kid who spoke up, you should check his/her fingers first!
Now why would the "Honourable Minister of Agriculture Mr. William Ruto start yapping as soon as the Waki report was handed over in secret.......told you common sense aint that common!

Depending on your relationship with your parents, they sometimes your bestest of friends and sometimes your worst of enemies who you just wholy depend on. Well for me i really didnt like to be told when to read, when to eat or generally to take a shower and disturb the fragile ecosystem that was developing on my body, well that was quite a while back. Long story short, they proved and continued to prove to be the best parents i could ever dream of, how lucky can i surely be!?

Jokes of the Day
You know the way Matatu touts at the railways terminus shout, 70 bob rongai 70 bob rongai...i wonder how their counterparts in Zimbabwe say......"A mili, a milli a milli..."

Proof that fish rili does help the brain and that our country men from the lake side have a rili high IQ? Simple! They are the ones that came up with the idea of an elevator in Kenya.....Otis.
Lovely day!

Thursday, October 2, 2008


You know, i consider myself of having average intelligence, a runk below average maybe? But for the love of iPhone[Edwin 2008] i cant figure out how in the heavens and in the Indian Ocean near Somalia, a Ship of the magnitude of MV Faina can be surrounded by three somali pirate ships with a hand full of guys probably wielding machetes to a ship carrying 33 T-27 russian made battle tanks capable of cruising at 60kph and their main canon firing accurate shots 4 kms away from the targets!

I believe i have totaly lost it when the pirates go on to demand billions of shillings, and the Kenya government actually appealing for support. You know i shouldnt underestimate Somalia because they blew the Americans right out of the horn of africa with their tails tightly inbetween their legs in 1990, was it? But i cannot figure out how a whole Navy ship can be captured by the three somail boats, have you seen the pictures? The boats are tiny! Seriously!! What am i missing, because at this point in time i have no faith whatsoever in our navy, (afadhali Army helped during the post election violence so we saw their might lakini navy!?) A whole bloody ship carrying Tanks, lemmi repeat that TANKS!! other weapons and ammo! There is something i rili aint guessing cuz using ma average blow the buggers out of the ocean, no appologies!!

On to rosier matters, i donated blood the other day right before my birthday. I must admit, i hate pain, my tolerance of pain is right there together with that on a day old baby, i hate pricks, i hate needles but this was for a good cause and i couldnt afford to look bad infront of the ladies, word travells fast :-) Anyhu, the super huge bag got filled quickly, i was surprised, pleasantly i might add cause i didnt think i had enough blood to go round ma body let alone donate! :-) And you know what!? I DID NOT faint! Oh modern day marvels! Question remaining though, will my blood be put to good use, or will it go down the drain.....? Hmmmh :-)

Lovely week!

Tuesday, September 30, 2008


Lemmi start with, my bday just passed and why lie imma party like its my birthday.....soon.
Have cats to deal with first, and with this new psyke instilled in me by dear "young" maua have to ace them before i club hop.

Soo many things happening right now, from people leaving, precisely, 2 VIPs leaving, making new friends, new opportunities and shouldering new responsibilites, as well as living all on my own......well not exactly but close enough! :-)

In ma very short existence in this world of ours, i tend to wonder what impact ive made on other people, would they remember me if i had a sudden and unfortunate death? Or would guys go like, "Haiya! Whers Ngare?" "I donno! Maybe hes sleeping." Wonder how many people would show up at ma funeral, and not just because thers free food or because they feel obligated because they just knew someone who knew me....

Anyhuu, a happy birthday to me! :-)

Tuesday, September 23, 2008


Back to school, sigh....
I was bored silly for four months as i was on ma holiday and was just waiting for school to open but now that we in session, i want us to close!!! I miss ma sleep! :-(

Monday, August 25, 2008

Nobody Knows- Tony Rich

I pretend that I'm glad you went away
These four walls closin' more every day
and I'm dying inside
and nobody knows it but me
like a clown I put on a show
The pain is real even if nobody knows
and I'm cryin' inside
and nobody knows it but me

Why didn't I say
the things I needed to say
How could I let my angel get away
Now my world is just a tumblin' down
I can say it so clearly
but you're nowhere around

The nights are lonely, the days are so sad
and I just keep thikin' 'bout the love that we had
and I'm missin' you
and nobody knows it but me

I carry a smile when I'm broken in two
and I'm nobody without someone like you
I'm tremblin' inside and nobody knows it but me
I lie awake it's a quarter past three
I'm screamin' at night as if I thought
you'd hear me
Yeah my heart is callin' you
and nobody knows it but me

How blue can I get
You could ask my heart
but like a jigsaw puzzle it's been torn
all apart
A million words wouldn't say just how
I feel
A million years from now ya know
I'll be lovin' you still


Tomorrow mornin' I'm hittin' the
dusty road
gonna find you whereever, ever you
might go
I'm gonna unload my heart and hope
you come back to me
said when the nights are lonely...


Wonderfull wonderful song.....wouldnt write it better myself!

Thursday, July 17, 2008

Sadness and Rage.

To say i am sad or angry would be an understatement,
rage and dismay do not come close to describing it.
Violence begets violence,
death begets death.
only thing left is vengeance.

I believe that common sense aint that common as its taunted to be, i believe that there are not as many sane people as there are insane.

I believe i have a high enough an IQ to grasp most common concepts, to understand some of the most basic and fundamental concepts such as "life is sacred, protect it" and "Obey the rule of law", it seems to some that is just too complicated an idea to wrap their little heads around.

Yet at this moment in time i am well and ready to disregard the advice of the little angel in my head, telling me not to go out and hunt the killers and put them to death, that justice will prevail.

Justice? What justice? Did they give him any justice beating him to death, on a whim? How dare they deliver a death sentence on an innocent man? How dare they!?

Its the actions of a mob that has no evidence other than the "non spark" of cells believed to be the grey matter between their ears 'Mwizi!!' that make me loose faith in the Human species.
To clobber a defenseless man, is inhumane, barbaric,...[insert unprintable words here].

I never imagined i would sink to such a low.

Friday, June 27, 2008

Weekend out.....

Its been soo long since i blogged, im tempted to sema i was nursing a hang over after a really eventful weekend but truth is ive been suffering writers block or is it bloggers block?
Lets see if the creative juices will start flowing again (lol as if they were in the first place..)


So last weekend started with a blast! Went for Idols Africa show at the Bomas of Kenya and was pampered like a true member of the media, entry courtesy of my good Uncle (thanx man!) The show was off the chains (or watever 'hip' kids say nnowadays :-) Awet care to help? ). The audience was crazy, cheering like their lives depended on it. Lets backtrack a lil bit, before entering the hall, we were hapo nje catching a few 'tanyes' (Tusker in the words of Modo) surveying the crowd as they lined up to get into the hall (our seats were reserved, i mean....The Media!) and im telling you Nairobi has mamas! Waaaaat!! I was huko mwagaing the proverbial mate its like i was suffering from Downs syndrome. But yenyewe chix never cease to amaze me, there had to be a 'Lady' with the IQ of a door knob (YES offence), how oh how do you come to such an event at 7:30 usiku in nylon hot pants!? Who the hell said you have to show hectares of skin to look sexy? A gurl can look sexy as well as SANE all covered up! So after downing our favorite lager at lightening speeds, we were ushered into the hall ready for the performances....with a few mls of alcohol in the system, a chik next to at that time was goood.....:-)
The whole experience was super but i have one bone to pick with the MNET people, why the hell was the sound so pathetic! I mean they are supposedly looking for the most talented and thus making them sound good to the audience should be at the top of the list shouldnt it? Im hoping it was a one time thing and leo theyl step up and the sound will be as good as their orgainsation of the whole thing which is FAB!! Oh! I must say Amara was looooking HOOOOTT!! And i hope she wins. GO AMARA, GO AMARA! SATO
Now on sato there was like the most awaited event since like i donno, new years? Tusker Safari Sevens! As usual it didnt disappoint with what looked like the whole of the Nairobi youth packed on the sidelines of the pitch as well as the Village grounds. Even with a steep entry price of 800 bob the place was still packed, yenyewe Kenyans have cash to spend. As usual there had to be ladies with the philosophy of "freeze and shine". I had a sweater and i was freezing, now i wonder how a chick in a mini skirt and her boobs half out was feeling..... I rest my case!
Kenya did us proud as usual, and went ahead to win the cup on sunday.....though i can bet half of the people there have no idea wat a try is......
The rest of that night is a blur and i dont want to try n remember what i got up brings on a headache.. :-)

In the wee hours of relative morning for me (4pm) a pal of mine was at the door waking me up...
Now the night before was crazy and even after almost 10 hours of slumber, it was a real task to walk straight. So now my lovely neighbour hooks me up with tikos for Tusker Project fame 2, the final show.....who am i to refuse, twould be just rude now wouldnt it?
Mimi huyo kwa shower and on the road to Ruaraka where the shows at, wit ma cuzo.
Again, chix are huko in plenty, so im thinking if you kosa a better half in Nairobi yenyewe its ur choosing and no one elses cause waaaat!!! i should walk with an infants feeder cuz of all the drooling. So we check into the bar and behold!! Factory prices!!!

{Aaaaaahhhhh (angelic melody)}

Unfortunately im still undergoing detox from the night before so i kamata soda instead (Smirnoff Black ice).... i mean i have to hold something....

So down the kamroad we go to the main tent where the performance is at, lakini after being pigwad terro (which is highly uncomfortable if i might add, esp when the guy smiles as he pats you down politeness NUTTING!!) Awe and behold, the ammount of disorganisation there would put ma wardrobe to shame, and thats saying something...ask ma brother! The place is packed to the brim and guys are squeezing themselves like sardines in a can.

After a lil spat with some intoxicated brawn and no brains guy i relinquish the kidogo space id patad and anza scavenging for a spot to fix at least one but cheek. Lets just say im not a confrontational kinda guy plus did i mention the brawn part? Nuff said!

So i pata a place to sit on some hard mbao step all alone, wit ma cuzo and Uncle huko mbali, had to make do with what i had so i stayd put.

The tripple distilled vodo and a lemon twist in the form of Black ice awakened the dregs of last night intoxicating element in the deeps of ma tumbo with crazy effects, e.g. lack of balance, i had to stand and let a chick through and in the process i mwagiad the remains of ma drink to a chick who was sitting hapo mbele yangu and waaaat! The machos i was given! If looks could kill id have been strangled, drowned, shot, my throat slit and burned all at once! You know wat, i blame the earths rotation for that spill man im sure it jerked!

The show none the less was incredible, the sound was perfect! As in wow!

The show was totally worth sitting on the hard mbao for like two hours, considering i have minimal to none cushioning if you get wat i mean.....

The outcome was rather bogus though, in my humble opinion Wendy should have won instead of Esther, but well thats how it went down.

All in all, a super weekend!

Pic of the Day

Im with you- Avril Lavigne
Mamacita- Coolie buddz
Goodlife- Kanye West
Ti-chi- Kenrazy
Just like a pill- Pink

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

An out of town experience....

Wow, its been too long since i blogged......bloggers block i guess and the lack of affordable internet access.
I hope that will change in the near future with the completion of The East African Marine System (TEAMS) and the completion of laying of the terestial cable. Ama they just introduce "The Grid" mara moja!

Anyhuu, about my out of town experience......
I love driving, as in totally! Be it in town at a snails pace or on an open highway at break neck speeds i love every minute of it! Before i got my license i used to wonder what people meant when they sema ati they tired of driving!? Wat! I can drive from Dawn to Dusk only stopping for lunch and taking a leak!
Now we wer off to the Valley town of Nakuru to visit ma uncle, crawling at a speed of like 100kph when suddenly at Kinungi a thick blanket of for just engulfed us as in THICK THICK THICK stuff! It was a strugglr to see the end of our cars bonet!! Visibility must have been in the negative but then agen one couldnt see behind either! :-)
So thick that a huge truck would like form right before your eyes on the other lane, one min thers nothing the next a 10 tonne lorry has whizzed past you, now thats horror!
As suddenly as it came about it just potead as we were going down the escarpment....true! It is a Magical Kenya!

I honestly cant put in words my disappointment with the government intelligence machinery. More than 600 people had to die so that they can send help in the form of Military, Administration police and regular police to catch the SLDF leader Wycliffe Matokei? In 18 months a parallel government had been established in Mt. Elgon complete with even courts in the middle of the forest!! After the Joint operation was launched and most of the SLDF caught or Killed, the Kenya police aired a documentary on National Tv recently, mildly boasting of how they were able to capture the milita without a simple casualty suffered by the joint operation but a simple question comes to the fore,it took that long and that many people for the government/intelligence agency to realise there is a problem?
Im afraid Uganda may take over most of western Kenya and we wouldnt have a clue!

Pic of the Day
If you have the displeasure of watching this dude perform.....

Guess thats an insult to Usher too....

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Random thought......

Ever wondered how the future will look like?
Well i have. (A pal of mine thinks i think alot about everything, well i think my pal daent think much about anything.)
From how ill look like to wat ill be doing to if ill be blessed to have a wife.
But i digress, what amazes me the most is the technological advancements we'll have made in the next 30 years and by we i mean others other than Kenya. I mean we have some really brilliant people in Kenya as in people you go like, WOW! But somehow dude to their faults or faults as a country we never appear anywhere on the global sphere in terms of technological innovation! Did you know a Kenyan was involved or is it that the Kenyan wrote the software for Nokia 3310? What i must think is the most successful phone ever, well in ma books at least! I digress agen..
Im just from reading about an article about "The Grid" and im like wow!!
Imagine getting internet together with ur elec. As in if you have elec you hooked up to the net! As in giga bit speeds!!
{moment of silence}
That is what the future is to me! Being able to have a video conference with someone at the cost of a local call of Celtels 3bob a min. Having a conversation with a hologram of the person you talking to, downloading a whole movie in seconds. Downloading albums in miliseconds. Yeah thats the s***t!

Monday, May 12, 2008

Love loss or loveless

Ever wonder if true love exists? Where both parties are just ecstatic to see each other every morning for 50 something years?

With my dismal number of years on this earth, 21 going on 40 would it be possible for me to have experienced true love if ever it did exist?
As mommy says(yeah i did say mommy) Love for her is a doing word, a verb, her love for people is potrayed in her actions for the funny feeling in the stomach and the sleepless minutes thinking bout him/her.....before you sleep......just last but a second.
To many of us "love" would be just a feeling one drummed into our head by the various productions of Hollywood which we(as a generalisation) sit and watch keenly expecting for that prince charming to ride over and rescue you from ur tower only for shrek to come trotting, or for 'the girl next door' to ring ur door bell.
The corruption of the minds and/or perceptions of this our generation is obvious in the number of people who are glued to the latest south american soap waiting and watching for "Fernandos" next move only wishing her man would act just like him! Im not just hitting at the ladies here pliz dont get me wrong it takes two to tango!
Its saddening how the word love has been thrown around and lost meaning!

This week end i went for the most amazing ride ever!!( No not that ride dumdums!! Get ur minds out of the gutter! Yes you!)
Any way, Ive always wondered why people on a roller coaster scream their guts out, well the ones ive seen on telly and on movies and stuff) i mean, its just going fast right? And its fun to go fast.
Well i got to find out a lil about how they feel. I went on this "banana" ride. A banana shaped thingy which can go a full 360 degree vertical spin......slowly!
Lemmi emphasize on the slowly part since, it fikas the top and for like 3 or so seconds its at a standstill when ur totally upside down!
Now, this may not freak you out but for someone who practically has a phobia for heights, it freaked me out!
Thers a point it fikas when ur body is totally off the seat and only a metal bar stands in the way of certain death, by falling! Thats the point my legs started vibrating violently on their own accord. The ride waz sick! Wiked! Full of adrenaline! And guess wat?
I hopped back in for another round!

Sunday, May 4, 2008


Its been a hectic time for me, mpaka writing a post has been a biff. What have i been doing?
Dont even ask......causei have the slightest idea myself. Confused? Yeah! Welcome to my world!

Anyhuu, the other night i was having a quiet night in with Mily watching The West Wing-im totally addicted to that thing- in the comfort of my bed when i heard some flattering....i was using headphones so i ignored it concluding i have an overactive imagination which i do have....
So i put on back the headphones and was soon engrossed in the activities of staff in the west wing of the white house. A few minutes later the same flattering, i was sure i heard it this time so i sat up and squinted through the mosquito net to see if id make out anything in the darkness of may room, but of course i could not! Ok now i was getting freaked out so i drew Mily closer. (That sentence was added for dramatic effect as no such thing happened, just so that we clear :-))

I was saved the squinting when the source of the disturbance drew closer and landed right on the net right above my head, at which point i shrieked like a little girl and called for mommy. (Again that last statement was added for dramatic effect, as i said i have an overactive imagination). In between the shrieking and heart pounding i was able to belt out a clear, calm and collected WTF!!


I should give you the background first...
Lets see, how do i put this, we live in the bundus! As in kichakani! At one point i was unsure of the number of creatures that call home, home. The list is too long to list. (aint english the weirdest language? list..list). In school home was refered to as Burundi, The desert, Ocha, Nowhere as well as the Land far far far away.(I supposedly watched nowhere news, and read Nowhere Daily and if i had a dog twas named courage the cowardly Dog). It was one of the wonders of the world how on earth i managed to get to school before anyone, including those who lived a stone throw away. Anyhuu i digress.
We live in th middle of nowhere.


A few inches from my face, with only a mosquito net between us was a bat!
Yup an ugly, ugly, ugly bat.
At this point im tempted to exaggerate and sema twas a big and blood thirsty.....but....twas a small thing but really ugly!
Lets keep in mind IT WAS A BAT.

So now in a split of a second, i was out of bed and standing by the door lights on with a slipper in hand wondering wat to do.
For like 10 minutes i stood there wondering wat to do with the bloddy bat or just go sleep in another room, but Mily....couldnt leave Mily there! :-)

Long story short, i chuked one of those wire hangers from the wardrobe and unfolded it so i could skuma the ugly mammal at arms + hangers length out of my room! And was soon reunited with dear Mily!

Moral of the story:
Do not live in a land far far away!
Or just buy Bat spray.....

No Mily has not taken the place of my girlfriend.

Pic of the day:


Im feeling Leona Lewis for some reason
Leona Lewis- Im you
Leona Lewis- Bleeding love
Leona Lewis- Moment like this

Keisha Cole - Heaven sent
Heather Headley- Rain
Heather Headley- How many times

Thursday, April 17, 2008


This is sooooooooooo you Stan!!

Monday, April 7, 2008

Its......Its a GIRL!!!

The year 2007 will go down in history books as one of the worst years, not because a flawed election messed things up in this our beloved Kenya but also because this is when lovely Mona was violently taken away from me [pause to sob] and of course the miss carriage of Lana who did not even see the light of day! However a lil something called pinky brought some light in the pitch darkness that was, and kept me company on the lonely and long bus rides to and fro home.
On the night of 6th a new chapter in ma life, little did i know. As i strolled past the large entrance way and into the well lit lobby full of people, people crying, some in utter jubilation and delight others sorrowful and downcast, i thought about what it would mean to me if my wishes were to be fulfilled, if God heard my prayers and that she would come out healthy and strong...

It was a nerve racking 15 minute wait, full of concern and fear that the longer it took, that maybe something would go wrong. The funny feeling at the pit of my stomach didn't help the situation much and neither did the pregnant clouds looming above ominously. None the less my will was strong and i stood as still as my shaking legs could hold me, as she cried out to me, for me to hold her little beautiful body,so fragile, so smooth, for her to feel my embrace and at that moment i got a name to call her, a name befitting her beauty(at least to me), for she was of Royal blood! Heart racing,blood thumping, mind buzzing, sweating like a pig i felt as if i was in a swimming pool. All of a sudden i felt as if my skin didnt belong to me as if i was looking through someone else's eyes, as if i didnt belong as if it wasnt me. Breath held in sheer anxiety, i reached out and held her up, she was to be referred to as (drum rolls) Milly Turi!! [Angelic note:Aaaaaaahhhh]

I know you, yes you are like, HUH!? WTF why the hell Milly Turi!!
Well lemmi explain, Milly is the daughter of David Willy the second(Abbreviated as dv2000), Willy on the other hand is a son to Villi a descendant of the great Pavilion who was of the clan of Hepson(HP). Turi comes from the descendants of AMD, Turi being the daughter of Turion, son to Athlon. Thus Milly Turi!!
The one the only!! HP Pavillion dv2845se

You know i sit back sometimes as i watch the news and i wonder how exactly these politicians think! Mara sijui we have agreed on a cabinet, mara its a new cabinet being formed and not just people being added to it. Honestly I dont give a rats ass!!!
Have i lost any sleep over my favourite politician not being on the cabinet list?
Will a 40 member strong cabinet make better roads, lower the price of basic commodities, increase security in our estates?
Am i crying, OH LORD, what will happen if we dont have an independent minister of Roads, as it can not definitely be put together with public works!!
As Former President Moi, so eloquently put it will the appointment of a Vice President put Ugali on my table!?
Say it with me, I THINK NOT!!

So you lot of brain deprived, insensitive and overfed and under worked bastards think beyond your own personal interests and drop dead!!

Have a lovely day y'all!!

Tuesday, April 1, 2008


I really really really really HATE exams!!!

Thursday, March 13, 2008 at now.

Thursday 13th March 2008

Today has just been a boring day one that has come, consecutively after others. I dont know what the problem is, maybe its because of the end of the "MUN excitement" or may be its just cause i miss my girl.
Talking of MUN and my girl, i was oddly surprised that i was not really interested in the FLY girls in MUN! Astonishingly i didnt mind just making acquaintances as in:
{two REALLY REALLY fine mamaz approaching as we walk through a corridor}
Ma friend: Ok here we go...
Me: Go? Go where? Ooooooh! Okidoki.
{my pal looks bewildered}
Girls:{in a chirpy tone like birds in the early morning} Hello *ma friend*!!
Ma friend:{in an equally high but not as nice tone} Hello girl 1 and girl 2!!
Me:{admiring the wonderful architecture of the buildings(sic)}
Ma friend: {to the girls} Hey meet my pal Ngare, Ngare this is Girl 1 and Girl 2.
Me: {all eloquent and stuff} Pleasure to meet to ladies, i must say you look absolutely stunning! {not the exact phrasing...} id love to stay for a while and chat but we were in a bit of a hurry...*ma friend*
Ma friend: {looking even more bewildered} Yes...... yes we were.....
{Goodbyes ensue and we move on in a leisurely stroll down the corridor with my friend a machete short of 'skirmishing' me)

Blog, worry not i aint gay, im just really content with my relationship status right now. A very strange feeling indeed!

As content as i may feel with my status(yes even the HIV one -) i dont feel the same with my life in general. You know when you wake up day after day then ur like HAIYA its friday! Did we skip like Wednesday and Thursday!? Those times you feel like uve hit a slump, dragging ur feet in a swamp or treading in the deep end with one leg tied down.

My pal thinks i think too much, i think that too. Many a time that id keep her awake late into the night with my many woes and she laps it up like a cat with a full milk bowl, shez strong, if i was on the other end of the conversation id probably go hang myself cause of boredom! Things as they are, things as i would wish them to be, things id wish to do, and things as they are done. Having been in school for more than, yaani ive even lost count, for like 15 years and counting i sure do hope that theres a really good life for me once im through all this crap! Not that i have it bad, i must say blog that i have it better than others lakini jo!

I remember when i was like in second term in my last year of high school , i was just wondering what was on offer after i finished my final exam and i just put all my frustration, misery, anticipation, anxiety and curiosity and came out with what id call a song(think of a loose meaning to the word 'song'), i wonder if it still exists....ill rampage through my archives blog, hope ill get a chance to put it down here.

All in all blog glad to be alive!

Pic of the day:

Every other time- LFO
Gallery- Mario Vazquez
Goodlife- Kanye west
Iris- Googoodolls
He loves me- Jill Scott
Heaven sent- Keyshia Cole
courtesy of Pinky!

Again i aint gay twas a present, and there was no other color in the store!

Tuesday, March 4, 2008

KMUN: Day 3

After a whole day of BORING policy statements, we finally broke up into committees where it gets really intresting cuz thats where most of the resolutions are debated upon....

The first two days werent too bad except for the part you go......WTF is going on!! The rules and procedures need a little getting used to. Otherwise youl spend your time looking for cracks in the wall and picking out the best looking chiks in the room(strike that, thats what i do :-))

Its amazing how petty WHOLE university attending students can be...lemmi give you an example:
*not the actual countries
First Day reading of policy statements according to alphabetical order.
Gabon:{reading their policy statement}
Zambia: {shouting} Point of personal privilege!
Chair: Does your point pertain to audibility?
Chair: Does your point pertain to clarity?
Chair: State your point.
Zambia: There are mosquitoes at the back of the room madam chair, impairing our ability to concentrate.
Chair: Point dully noted. Protocol officer please assist Zambia. Gabon, you may continue.
Gabon: The Republic..........
France: {shouting} Point of personal privilege!
Chair: Does your point pertain to audibility?
Chair: Does your point pertain to clarity?
Chair: State your point.
France: There is too much noise in the chamber and too many people walking around making it hard to follow proceedings.
Chair: Point dully noted. Protocol offices please ensure only protocol officers are walking around. Thank you. Gabon, you may proceed......
Gabon: Thank you Madam chair. We the delegation of Gabon, would like....
Cuba: {shouting} Point of personal privilege!
Chair: Does you point pertain to audibility?
Cuba: Yes.
Chair: Hon. Delegate please speak audibly and clearly into the microphone.

This goes on and on and on, imagine going through this for like 150 countries!

Second day in comitees, i forsee a very intresting day!!

Saturday, March 1, 2008

Beer Break!

After a loooooong days/ weeks work.....snuggle in to you warm comfy linux box :-D and have a laugh, with your favorite poison in hand.
Have a laugh.....or at least a smile :-)

I wouldnt mind seeing a few such bags in Nairobi! But then again its already hard enuf to walk in the streets sooooo many fine women!

Sooo sooo true! dont you think? :-D


This should be my motto! :-)


1. Ati first time yako kubuy gari ulisema ufungiwe unaenda mbali
2. Ati kwenu mko upto date mpaka watoi wenu wakipigwa wana vibrate badala ya kulia.
3. Naskia mko advanced mpaka nyi huenda loo via bluetooth
4. Ati naskia nyi ni wengi mpaka nyi hukunywa chai na sprinkler
5. First time uliona soda,ulifinya finya kujua gani ni ripe
6. Ati naskia we ni fala mpaka ulienda cyber ukaulizia stamp ati ndio uweke kwa email
7. Nilikupata umezubaa ukiangalia chupa ya orange juice...ati juu imeandikwa "concentrate"....
8. Naskia ulienda para sunday school
9. Naskia simu yako iko na slot ya coins.....
10. Una kichwa sooo ukithink kuna echo....!
11. Ati you r so ugly vile ulizaliwa uliwekwa kwa incubator tinted ndio usi shtue watoi wengine.....ha,haaaaa!!
12. Ati umekonda mpaka ukivaa vest bado unakunja sleeves
13. Ati T.V yenu iko na mouse...hahahahahahah

Mchongwano just cracks me up!!!

Another Month, same routine, have a lovely week!

Tuesday, February 26, 2008


KMUNto the lay man/woman this is the Model United Nations, Kenya chapter for Universities and guess what im going to be in it!! The 7th chapter that is!!

Its really really cool cuz i get to dress up in suits and go debate stuff in Gigiri like the actual United Nations!!! Coooool!!! But what is waaay cooler is if the resolutions that come out of this confrence make an impact in the real world, if the voices of the next generation of leaders(wooooohoooo im in this LOT!!) is heard and their ideas considered...THAT would be really cool!

Ill try and look sharp, will post the pics if they come out well.

Remember that horse i was talking about getting back on......well yeah im a real jockey now! :-)
"I got meself a girlfriend!!!(big grin and blushing a little)"

Sunday, February 17, 2008

Long Distance Relationships.........Blunder?

Long distance relationships......
Not being an authority on relationships, but having my fair share of heart aches and bloody good times gives me a right to make a foot note of sorts....
Truth be told relationships are just about the hardest things to maintain (much easier to keep a pet dog) but the rewards are worth it and that ofcourse i dont have to mention! To get someone you totally rhyme with is out of this world, cosmic ecstasy!
A young relationship is always the best since you get to 'discover' your partner and most often than not you only get to know the good side, until you spend a whole week together then you get to find out wat pisses you bout them, hopefully the pros list is longer than the cons!

Now consider a long distance relationship where the only form of communication is via ur cell or chatting over the internet or worse still via snail mail!!?
Frankly id die an agonizingly painful death!
Id like to smell my girlfriends hair, feel the smooth skin on her arm, her body against mine when embraced in a hug but thats just me....
A call is lovely but id prefer a face to face conversation, an angry txt in CAPITAL letters is ok but id prefer her shouting to my face, an mms would be great but id prefer taking the photo myself and a whisper in the ear is worth a million 'xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox'!

Love is all that matters all the same, if you love someone enough to stand not being able to see him/her for a whole year(a lil confusing aint it?) then we need a little more people like you out there in the world!

Blunder i dont think so! Just really really inspiring, if a friend of mine can be able to pull off a long distance relationship, and make it successful for nine months and counting then surely i should be able to make a simple old face to face relationship work right?
You know wat, im getting right back on the horse!!
In a minute or two....:-)

Sunday, February 10, 2008

Valentines, a big fuss over nothing in paticular......

First and foremost, aint i glad to be alive. The situation may seem to have cooled down in Kenya but i wonder if its a calm before another storm since the handshake between President Kibaki and Hon. Raila didnt seem to have a great impact! The mediation efforts by Koffi Annan are admirable but will they quell the violence that has spiraled far far away from a political to a purely ethnic issue? Anyhuu i digress....

This month is the 'love month' when every lady goes goo goo over a box of choclates(wait they do that all year round) and a dozen red roses and every thing red and expensive!

Im against this holiday not that im a party pooper or that im currently happily single but because most chiks havent the faintest idea what the holiday is all about yet they honor it with as much diligence as they do shaving their legs, utmost(well at least most of em...)

Men put on a leash by our beautiful females jump through hoops, dart through traffic and beg their way so as to have the perfect plans to this OVERLY commercialized-and thus lost meaning- holiday that is valentines.

It is apparently a gross misconception on my part to believe that every day should be like Valentines in a relationship not just one day of so called 'show of love'. Suddenly men who have no clue as to what rhyming, Onomatopoeia, alliteration, or assonance are come up with an award winning love poem(thanks to Google!) and the ladies fall for it hook line and sinker! OR may be not.....

Do women look forward to the holiday due to the attention they get? Because finally the dum guy they dating finally looks up away from the television screen and manages to dial for a diner reservation, or maybe perhaps its cause they are extremely optimistic they will get some shiny ware to adorn? Im almost sure that its not in honor of the Saint Valentine and his secret matrimonies!

I certainly know what the men are after on the night of 14th February....

Let every day be Valentines day.....

Happy Valentine, i.e. Have a happy 2008!

Saturday, January 26, 2008

Happy new year.......?

Being the first post of the new year its only polite for me to wish you a Happy New year!

But for me it really aint that happy. The new year began with our whole family locked up at home for the fear of being hacked to death by machete wielding dodo heads strolling all around Kenya lurking with the intent to loot,vandalize and burn anything that looks of worth. Luckily it didnt get that bad in our "hood",unfortunately many were not as lucky as we were!

600+ killed,hundreds of thousands displaced and millions living in fear.

Kenyans killing each other just because of some elites fighting for power, yet its only the common man who is suffering while they hug and make merry in parliament while bagging extra huge salaries! The IRONY!!

My pride in Kenya is eroding, aint all that proud to be Kenyan anymore.

We have to do something!!