Today!

Alarm rings! Damn, have a 9 o'clock class, its 7am. Head pounding from last nights beer on an empty stomach, never doing that again! One more minute i tell myself and lay back and off to dreamland i go!
Beep beep! An SMS comes in and im startled to consciousness, its 7:45am. Damn!
By 8:15am im through getting ready and at the dinner table perusing an outdated newspaper while munching on my breakfast, Ugali and nyama from jana (angelic music playing here). Damn head is still pounding, have to rehydrate! After drinking like a liter of water, i get my bag and im off to the stage!
I knew Nairobi weather was shifty but waaat! The sun was bright and warm when leaving the house, and it was dry, hell my shoes were dusty as soon as i got out of the gate but 10 minutes later it was drizzling!
Damn im late, so i catch the next jav however rickety and old it is!
9:10am im racing down up the dusty road, i hope the lecturer aint a nut case!
I check into class and lucky me hes just arrived too! I get to a comp and straight to the browser, crap, theyve blocked the internet! Which person in his/her right mind deprives people from getting their fix of Facebook for the day!! what makes my head pound even more is this Obama wanna be lecturer babbling on about just how hard the unit is and we should be very serious! Yeah! Sure.....turn the net back on damn it!!
After 2 hours of pure boredom,im off in search for some hot tea, a female to hold on to would be preferable but well....if wishes were horses id be a mighty good jockey.
The usual bandaz were flattened so we have to make do with tents by the road side on a rainy day and guess what i dont have a sweater, oh bright one huh?
Have to hours to burn till the next class, but unfortunately cant partake in our favorite pass time with my cronies which is to sit along a busy pathway and ogle at girls! :-)
So off to the recreation area where we play some pool and i get down to business and kick some serious ass at chess...
Time flies when you having fun, and soon im back to class with another grammatically, semantically and syntactically incorrect lecturer, luckily thers Facebook and Blogger and thus my predicament....to listen or not to listen!
Stay tuned for a riveting, pulsating, edge of your seat stuff in the next TODAY then....
Lol what a boring and dull day!

Why i hate matatus!

The festive season is upon us and with it comes alot of travelling here and there, and meeting friends and stuff. Now for the common mwananchi like you(no not you, the other you, yeah you!) and i are forced to take public transport in the form of matatus(big taxis) and buses. Im more of the optimistic type so i view stuff from the positive angle.....sometimes. I look at a matatu as my personal car which has a my very own personal driver and im just gracious enough let some other 13 guys come along with my in the car, some of the 13 other guys i feel like chuking them out pronto!
Once you enter the mat you secure a seat right in the middle of the mat(matatu) in the second last row. Once seated you turn to your right where an awful stench is eminating only to find a guy well dressed in a suit but may have only viewed a toothbrush in a photo in an advert and is quite yet to figure out how or where its used!
Im an attempt to get some fresh air you turn your right to find a 20 something year old guy right on the verge of blacking out on some cheap liquor and finds that particular moment an 'Idols' moment and belts out 'in tune' with the annoyingly screechy music being belted out by the tiny tweeters. Oh and just to make sure if you didnt know, he turns around to tell you just how much hes feeling that song.
The only place left to look is up or infront, but thers a problem. Infront of you is a normal looking guy with a not so normal body oduor. I must insist that parfum and or deo is a basic necessity almost comparable to food and shelter. The city council made smoking illegal on the basis that its harmful to other guys too, they should do the same about guys who find it hard to splash some water on themselves once in a while and hose them down in the middle of the street!
The concotion of smells is made worse by these ladies in the back seat who saw fit to drench themselves in the cheapest stinging parfum that exists in the market! I have nothing against using cheap stuff, i use cheap stuff, but dont make it that obvious, you feel me!?
There is a little known fact that mobile phone micropones are infact extremely powerful and that you can increase the volume in the speaker of your phone! Most people have no idea about that and that explains the shouting when one recieves a call! Add into the mix a miraa chewing conductor who keeps on sipping from an opaque bottle whose contents may very well be used to clean the loo, and you get a typical ride in a matatu and a trully Kenyan experience.

It can get worse though, travelling upcountry with a whole family of 7 perched on the two seats next to you or sitting next to a true african lady who spreads to twice her diameter once she sitts down and guys who refuse to open any of the windows!

Really? I mean.....seriously!!??

After two and a half weeks of scratching and guessing, i finally managed to fill up those answer sheets the University ever so graciously placed in our presence to try and gauge their inability to infuse any useful knowledge into our systems. Id have a better use for the white sheets of paper in a latrine at home, but all the same i hope i appease the markers and am awarded some grade worthy of my ingenious freestyle ability! :-)
The joy of my conquering my exams is extinguished just about as fast as it takes to finish a jug of keg a.k.a keeego (in my cousins case just but a few minutes) as the fully incompetent nincompops we elected into the August house try and muzzle the media like a rabid dog! ts extremely sad that the legislators of the day see it fit to impose colonial like rule on the free media presumabliy because they brought into the limelight the whoe issue of our UNhonourable members non payment of tax on their allowances which forms the bulk of what they take home! Its the audacity of the speaker to suggest that its charitable for MPs to pay tax and as such any MP who feels toutched should see the tax man! {paraphrased}.

Dear Mr Speaker,
While you sit your pompous ass in that so very comfortable leather seat, people working more that 40 hour weeks toil and work to the bone to make ends meet as you act as a class monitor to unrully selfish mind numbingly dum pack of overfed and over payed sleeping gluttons. And to make matters worse, you work a whole of 20 hours a week! Dear sir we as the Kenyan public get taxed to help see our country develop so as to ensure a happy and prosperous nation to future generations, that is not charity that is a sense of nationalisim and patriotism you seem to lack among many other common features of a normal man. If we pay taxes why oh why shouldnt you!?
Yours sincerly,
Concerned Citizen.

Mps

There has been talk and i guess some action thet the ECK be disbanded and a whole new commissioin be formed or something of the sort. Now my question is this, if the ECK made a mess of things, doesnt that mean that the MPs are infact in office illegaliy too? If the ECK is to be removed then it in turn means all the MPs should be sent home as well.
Now again, the ECK is being blamed on the violence that occured close to a year ago now, question, did you see any of the commissioners arrange stones on the Nakuru- Naivasha highway? Is it a commission official who struck the match to set the church in Eldoret on fire?
I know that to be guilty does not necessarily have to imply that you did the actual deed, but lets reason together, who has more to gain and is thus more likely to cause chaos? The guy seeking to be elected to parliament or the electoral official?
Get me right, i am not saying that the ECK is as clean as can be, im saying the ECK must be cleaner than the crop of @#$%^*& idiots that make parliament chambers a sleeping area!

Jamuhuri Day
Jamuhuri day which was this past friday was a mess to say the least! Scores of activists peacefully protesting the non payment of tax by MPs buy wearing a t-shirt were all rounded up and shaked up in Lang'ata Police station........Offence: wearing a t-shirt!!!

Its amazing just how people in power percieve and treat the people who put them there, in Kenya!

Recently in Thailand i read in the paper that a whole sitting president was up and removed from office by the courts, didnt get the full story, but i rili cant imagine that happening in Kenya!

Just a few minutes ago i passed by Uhuru Park, and guess what! The park was cordoned off by GSU personnel (fondly refered to as leta fujo unone) because of what i presumed was the fear that people would protest over the Media Bill and as well as MPs refusing to pay tax.

I would take to the streets to peacefull protest against all these injustices, i wonder how may other people out there would, cause if we dont.........who will?

Bureaucracy and Idiots....na bado!

When one says the word Bureaucracy, the mind immediately jumps to the Kenya Governments offices....well at least mine does! I thought thats the only place you could be treated like trash even though you pay taxes through your nose even when you are waist deep in debt. Well i think i have a winner here....The Catholic University(CUEA) Accounts office. Now one would think that CUEA, being a private university, that things would go rather smoothly since besides paying an arm and a leg for what i regard as substandard education it is not in anyway affiliated with the government or any arm whatsoever....you would be wrong!
The crudeness and uncultured behavious of the people working at the accounts office is only comparable to the uncultured behaviour of matatus at peak hours in downtown nairobi and im afraid that the accounts guys would put the mirra chewing, sap sipping, saliva spitters, snuff sniffing scum of Luthuli Avenue and the likes, to shame!
Im afraid out literacy levels are rock bottom and digging deeper, im my opinion literacy levels should not only show that one can read but can also read and reason from what they have read, otherwise even an Optical character reader should be the most literate of all! Why the rant?
Sunday evening on my way home, enjoying my driving experience, as i take the Muthaiga rounderbout on my way to town this idiot in a Toyota Raum coming from Utalii side hoots at me! Now im no self proclaimed guru of traffic laws and regulations but the short stint i have served so far as a qualified and licensed driver gives me the authority to know that the bloody person on the round about has right of way!! Clearely that old man could read considering he was driving a fairly new reconditioned car from Dubai, but could he realy reason!?
Have an Idiotless day wunt you!?

That time again......

Im listening to rock right now and for the life of me i still cant figure out how one can listen to this noise for 5 minutes straight.....we really were not made the same....
Its that time of the year again where theres that bitter sweet feeling...sweet cause im at the end of a semester and a holiday is forthcoming when i can sleep for as long as id like but then again there are exams to read for and sit for, thats the bitter side! In a morning lecture i had today the lecturer was like "You people, why do you fear exams? Huh? Do you know you have done exams all your life! I know even some of you did an exam to go to Baby class! And this is not the last exam your doing! Its just like any other!" Yeah sure it is! So why doesnt he do us a favour and bring us a spelling test!?
I hate exams!! Wish me luck. :-(

Lifes teachings

Wow its been a while!
How y'all doing!
......ok.....moving on swiftly.
A few weekends ago i had a weekend to remember, one that had highs and lows...deep lows i mean from the Himalayas to the Deepest of trenches, the Mariana trench but you know what, life goes on....lesson learned.
I remember when i was a kid i thought to myself that i must be an adopted kid. When you are a kid you kinda think everyones against you if they for some reason refuse to give in to all your demands as crazy as a pizza in the middle of the night(i wasnt that spoilt!). But for me, i thought THEN that i had a good reason even though the obvious facial similarities didnt appear as obvious to me then as they are now! The very good reason was ofcourse, everyone was just much brighter(in ma family) considering they were older than me. I never failed to get an intelligent answer from my Dad, or Mom or my brother whos older than me by two years......
Sadly enough, people above the legal driving age limit still have lower reasoning capabilities than the ones i had then! How do you drive around with full beam lights? How do you walk into a meeting or a church with your ringtones on the maximum possible volume?! I fail to understand how having had a phone for over seven years now, for some, and not be familiar with the off button or at the very very least, know how to put the damn little thing on vibrate only!

Considering my lack of access to a TV following my leap into living independence, i have been for a long time on the leeward side of the flow of information but i heard a suggestion through some media people calling for the perpetrators of the Post Election Violence to be forgiven! This is one of them point where i sigh shrug my shoulders and mutter, "Common sense really aint that common"! Simply put, the law must be followed, since without law the country will just disintegrate into the total mayhem it was at the begining of the year! Furthermore if these guys are forgiven, it will set precedence and thus the next drunk gun trotting trigger happy idiot who decides to go for target practise in a Nairobi crowd will plead for forgiveness since anyway you forgave the other guys didnt you!? Its like when a kid beats up another kid in school and you say its ok, he apologized...., the kid will obviously take advantage since thers a feeling of immunity, my advice spank the kid till the skin is raw and make sure the word goes round cause that way no other kid will think of fighting, lesson learnt!
Lemmi give you a scenario, 5 kids in the kitchen with the sugr bowl left open and alot of sugar on the floor. "You ask who ate and spilt the sugar?" One of the kids reply almost before you finish intonating your sentence to signify its a question, "It wasnt me!"
Who do you think did it!?
Obviously the kid who spoke up, you should check his/her fingers first!
Now why would the "Honourable Minister of Agriculture Mr. William Ruto start yapping as soon as the Waki report was handed over in secret.......told you common sense aint that common!

A.O.B
Depending on your relationship with your parents, they sometimes your bestest of friends and sometimes your worst of enemies who you just wholy depend on. Well for me i really didnt like to be told when to read, when to eat or generally to take a shower and disturb the fragile ecosystem that was developing on my body, well that was quite a while back. Long story short, they proved and continued to prove to be the best parents i could ever dream of, how lucky can i surely be!?

Jokes of the Day
You know the way Matatu touts at the railways terminus shout, 70 bob rongai 70 bob rongai...i wonder how their counterparts in Zimbabwe say......"A mili, a milli a milli..."

Proof that fish rili does help the brain and that our country men from the lake side have a rili high IQ? Simple! They are the ones that came up with the idea of an elevator in Kenya.....Otis.
:-)
Lovely day!

Huh!?

You know, i consider myself of having average intelligence, a runk below average maybe? But for the love of iPhone[Edwin 2008] i cant figure out how in the heavens and in the Indian Ocean near Somalia, a Ship of the magnitude of MV Faina can be surrounded by three somali pirate ships with a hand full of guys probably wielding machetes to a ship carrying 33 T-27 russian made battle tanks capable of cruising at 60kph and their main canon firing accurate shots 4 kms away from the targets!

I believe i have totaly lost it when the pirates go on to demand billions of shillings, and the Kenya government actually appealing for support. You know i shouldnt underestimate Somalia because they blew the Americans right out of the horn of africa with their tails tightly inbetween their legs in 1990, was it? But i cannot figure out how a whole Navy ship can be captured by the three somail boats, have you seen the pictures? The boats are tiny! Seriously!! What am i missing, because at this point in time i have no faith whatsoever in our navy, (afadhali Army helped during the post election violence so we saw their might lakini navy!?) A whole bloody ship carrying Tanks, lemmi repeat that TANKS!! other weapons and ammo! There is something i rili aint guessing cuz using ma average intelligence.......id blow the buggers out of the ocean, no appologies!!

On to rosier matters, i donated blood the other day right before my birthday. I must admit, i hate pain, my tolerance of pain is right there together with that on a day old baby, i hate pricks, i hate needles but this was for a good cause and i couldnt afford to look bad infront of the ladies, word travells fast :-) Anyhu, the super huge bag got filled quickly, i was surprised, pleasantly i might add cause i didnt think i had enough blood to go round ma body let alone donate! :-) And you know what!? I DID NOT faint! Oh modern day marvels! Question remaining though, will my blood be put to good use, or will it go down the drain.....? Hmmmh :-)

Lovely week!